Uberman

It’s my birthday today but I’ve long since given up on the self-admiration of this annual event. It’s a special day—sure—but I get more excited about giving these days. So I’m gonna give you something.

I want to take some time to tell you about how special you are.

YOU—well ...you’re pretty awesome.

You have such beautiful eyes. And with these eyes you can capture breathtaking images and save them on your brain’s memory. Anytime you want to recollect the Sistine chapel, a sunset, or your lover’s face—all you have to do is close your eyes. And it’s in Technicolor! Remember when you were 5 and you wanted to grow up to be your neighbor’s German Shepherd? Well, dogs can only see in black & white. Black and white! What a waste. You’re so much cooler than a German Shepherd.

Image originally found here.

Let’s talk about your ears. What remarkable ears you have! They’re perfect for tuning out pessimists and drunken homeless dudes and infomercials…but even better for listening to music. Are you listening to music right now? No? What the hell is wrong with you?! (That was rhetorical—there’s nothing wrong with you, silly.) Put on some tunes. NOW. Ok, now dance. Personally, my Life feels like a waltz, so that’s what I’ll do. You…well, you can do the Macarena.

Let me tell you about YOU.

You have this incredible ability to adapt to circumstances, and not just adapt but thrive! You make misfortune and uncertainty tremble in your wake. What a power. (Your superhero name: Ye of Unlimited Possibilities. Don’t worry; you’ll learn to love it.) Like some X-man you are. F—k Hugh Jackman! Marvel Comics should pay YOU. You’re worth it.

So let’s go to dinner…on you of course. But don’t worry, you’ve got millions from that 5-picture Miramax deal. I can’t wait to see ‘em. So how ‘bout some champagne? Wine? Perfect. An 8-course meal? Don’t mind if you do. How lucky you are. Good food and drink—how incredible is it that you can do this whenever you want? 3 times a day even! Yes, lucky indeed.

Image originally found here.

So what next? A trip to Mexico? Astronaut training courses? Dancing naked in your living room? It’s up to you really. You have the freedom to choose. Without fear. Without limitation. How awesome is that?!

Can I just sit here next to you for a bit? Bask in your awesomeness perhaps? No? I understand...you have astronaut training to get to.

Music to Waltz to:

Tagged: food, Tagged: power, Tagged: life, Tagged: sistine chapel, Tagged: love, Tagged: time, Tagged: music, Tagged: uberman, Tagged: brian andreas, Tagged: obi okorougo