What Does It Mean to Be Happy?
On Individuality and Happiness by Obi Okorougo
What is the meaning of Life?
Is it making money? Finding love? Is it steadfast devotion to a religion or philosophy, or to live in accordance with reason and virtue? What is it?
If I polled a thousand people in a thousand cities, I bet the most common answer would be happiness. So let’s rephrase the question:
What does it mean to be happy?
This question popped into my head last night, as I lay on my bedroom floor, stretched out in nothing but my underwear, sweaty from a workout affectionately known as “Cindy” (don’t get any ideas). The iPod Shufflé was playing something melodic and light was flashing through my window like fireworks on some day of independence. I sat up and looked out to see a lightning storm like I’ve never seen, harmonizing rhythmically with crackles of thunder.
I thought about my isolation from everything I had grown to know, and my presence in new places—having wonderfully fresh experiences—and how neither was better than the other, neither was worse. There was no money, no sex, no accomplishment—just me and nature, both happy in the moment. I had a meeting to get to (my production manager was waiting at a nearby café) and I had dinner scheduled with my family immediately afterward. But I would rather have just sat there in that dark room, staring out the window like some awe-struck little kid.
So where was my happiness in that moment?
It was in the moment. It was in just being. It was in my appreciation for being alive. I watched as dusk fell in that gorgeous blue with lights dancing across the sky. People went dashing for cover in anticipation of some flash rainfall, no doubt. Chickens ruffled their feathers and ran about in that funny way they run: head cocked forward and legs flailing behind.
Even then, I couldn’t help but feel the pressure of that text message and that email and that imminent meeting and that arranged dinner, but I did an awesome job of keeping it at bay—almost effortlessly. There was just so much beauty to be taken in and I was determined to do the taking. I mean seriously…how much time do we really give ourselves to just sit and say ‘fuck it all.’ I would rather have been called a “flake” than ruin the beautiful moment that I was having.
So I ask again: what does it mean to be happy? Have you asked yourself the question?
Happiness could never be the same for everyone. Nor could it be the same thing every time. I find happiness in creating something beautiful (moving and still images are my current passion). I find it in running a faster mile than I did the session before, or in doing more pushups than I did last week. I find it in having deep conversations with close friends over a glass of wine. I find it in a tasty meal.
But make me the same meal 7 times in a week or make me run every day and I may catch you one in the eye. Consistency is boring, and a foolish consistency makes you a hobgoblin.
So where is your happiness? Have you found it? Or are you waiting for some future date when all the stars align and everything is in its proper place and you’re where you want to be, with who you want to be with, banking what you want to bank, etc. etc. etc. That’s destination thinking, and you’re too ambitious for that. You’re smart enough to know that you’re always going to have more wants.
There needs to be a happiness revolution. We need to free ourselves from the chains of expectation. Our bosses, our teachers, and our parents should all be put on notice: we will no longer let their opinion of us be the determinant of our well-being. You’re not five. No one is going to give you a gold star for spelling “robot” correctly. You will not get a pat on the back for brushing your teeth.
Emerson spells it out beautifully in his essay on Self Reliance. An excerpt:
“Live no longer to the expectation of these […] people with whom we converse…I appeal from your customs. I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions…If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. Does this sound harsh to-day? You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine…”
Take your individuality back. Let your happiness be determined by YOU.
Take a sick day and just spend time with yourself. Go to the beach and watch the waves crash against the shore. Do stream-of-consciousness writing in your journal and see what comes up. Make yourself something delicious. Meditate. Sweat. Call a lover-friend and do something delicious together. Read a book. Write a book. Grab your camera and capture something beautiful. Do. Something.
We only have so much time on this planet—don’t waste it. You are not the Shah of time*. Find out what truly makes you happy and spend your days doing that—regardless of what they think.
Find your happiness. Do it more often. Bliss out.
. . .
* Quote by Arnold Bennett. In its entirety: “I cannot possibly allow you to scatter priceless pearls of time with such [...] lavishness. You are not the Shah of time.”
Read This Better Written Article:
Happy Like God, from the New York Times
Other Essays You Will Enjoy:
Creative Genius of the Greats
Why Dom Pérignon is “The Shit”
Academic Rigor + Life
Be Happy in Your Body:
The Burn Fat, No Sweat! eBook
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Tagged: obi okorougo, Tagged: emerson, Tagged: time, Tagged: happiness, Tagged: individuality, Tagged: love
