Questions: Part One
By Holly Lewis
Staring forward, eyes fixed on the dark crevice of the wooden closet, a camel creamy tone like the horses hair in the saddle. I can see a sliver of my coat hanging from the inside, a smooth white surface catching the eye. Parted only slightly, the closet leaves a bit to be seen, from the outside looking in. I see my back there, the coat posing as me, only about 5 inches taller. I am hanging there, facing south, looking away. It’s me. Only not.
Who is this person? She would smile if I could see her face. She may even laugh. But I know she won’t know. She won’t know how to get beyond all the questions.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. How could she just not care? Every person that runs past seems enamored with doubt, with the shroud. What in the...?
Where are we even? What IS the purpose of this place? This..."planet", a term we give this round ball, this once flat, now robust, not awkward in the least, glowing, massive yet minuscule dot, beautiful...No...existing in a realm beyond what language could ever even suggest, even a little, a little like the cutest kitten, a little like the smallest fish all alone in the bottom of the tank. Just a little, tiny, bit is how much the words I use to make sense of it even really convey a thing, the words I use to describe it, the words I use to somehow communicate anything even remotely resembling sense to the masses, all attached, bound, to this “planet”. You could say you’ll see me somewhere else. Chances are, you won’t. Chances are, this is home, and it always will be. Chances are, the beauty of this once flat, now robust, not awkward in the least, glowing, massive yet minuscule dot, beautiful...No...existing in a realm beyond what language could ever even suggest, this pulsing, floating and twisting and perfectly orchestrated gob of throbbing hearts, heads, and hands is the only place you’ll ever know.
And chances are, that’s not such a horrible thing. Chances are, there is a purpose. Chances are, there is an answer to this question, somewhere, and it’s not subjective in the slightest. It is just about as objective as any “fact”, whatever that means.
Can we look in the eyes of a lion and see the future, the answer? Imagine walking up to her, beautiful lioness, eyes fixed on you, nose glowing, moist, and bit shiny, much larger than yours, her coat blends so well you can’t see her lying there, her hind legs up, her ears alert, her glands working mightily to lubricate every inch of your being into submission as you move slowly into her, slowly and deeply into her being, where all her ferociousness would vanish, where all of your fear is molded and shaped into her flesh, reworked and remade into a live and breathing and powerful destiny?
Who are we to guess? Who are we to speculate? Life’s members. The smallest fish, all alone, in the bottom of the tank. The very bottom. Some feel large simply because their splashing about increases the water level, yet our fin laden brethren can’t drown simply because water levels rise, and swimming to the top of the tank doesn’t lead to escape, only relocation. You can swim next to me, above me, around me, below me, go ahead...swim circles around me. That was a good one. Nice tricks. Yes, you are well received. And welcome back. Oh, you never left? I didn’t think so.
Lovely and outrageous world!!! We even have grass! We have lots of grass, everywhere! Apparently, it’s a pretty popular species of plant. We water it thus. We care for it thus, trim it thus, baby it thus, brag over it thus...etc. But seriously. We have giraffes. We have sharks. We have cranes. We have toads. We have whales. We have microbes! Microbes I tell you! We have bacteria! We have atoms, for the love of ....!!
Can we, only for a minute, I know you are all very busy here, just for a moment, sit down and ponder this...where are we even? What IS the purpose of this place? Seriously. Can we, just for a minute? Just sit down here...yes, right here next to me, the seat is warm, has your name written all over it, it’s warm, it’s cozy, good for the taking, sturdy for contemplation, for resting fists upon chins, for dwelling and absorbing. It’s fit for silence too, in case it takes you over. Silence, you say? I know. It’s easier that way, isn’t it? Don’t have the time?… ah, well. There’s always tomorrow, right? Oh, really? Hark this, not always tomorrow!!! Goodness, my oh my. Who are we to guess at it then? To speculate? Post-haste! Arithmetic, labs, research, microscopes. No? Ok, how about tanks, grenades, guns, fire, and a bit of wholesome pillaging? Still nothing, eh? How about, government, arranging, legislature, serious meetings, debate, voting, and overwhelming burdens on the seemingly capable dorsal of the smallest fish that swam to the top of the tank? Eh? Nothing? You gotta be kidding me!!
She would certainly smile, and laugh. Laugh heartily!!! I can see it now, better than before. The closet sits a bit open still, not enough to really see her, but she knows something. I can see that. She knows something. Somewhere deep down inside of her, standing taller than I do, carefully concealed somehow beyond what may be seen with the senses, she smiles. A deep and vibrating physical gesture of peace. A deep and vibrating physical gesture of the most profound and unfathomable LOVE. Her laughter is pure, full, content, somehow knowing, somehow hopeful, somehow courageous. How could you be so courageous? You there, young lady? Young one? Who are you to guess? To speculate? Young thing? What do you know, really? What could you possibly know? Fearless, eh?
Well, it may be easy for her to say. She’s in there. I’m out here. Yet she does stand taller, hangs gently, swaying like the obedient flower lulled by each sweet breeze, lulled up and down, moving alongside an entire chorus of beaming and bright life forms, growing, moving, unraveling bit by bit, each day, into a perfectly created mass of cells, unblemished before our very eyes.
No words suffice in duplicating in any recognizable fashion the beauty of this world.
Tagged: creation, science, earth, time, god, why, agnostic, life, wisdom, atheist
